Relationships...part i

Are relationships symbiotic, transient contacts between humans? Or are relationships free, selfless, everlasting bonds of human emotion? (Or are they both? Or none of the two?)

If relationships are selfless,then why do I have to play roles? Why can I not be my self, my own
true self in these relations? why are there expectations and strings attached with them? If they are free then Why are they called bonds and not freedoms?

If they are everlasting then why this fear of losing them? If their strength is eternal then why can I not analyse their foundations? And why can i not ask WHY? And why am I told that I think too much?

Thinking is the first activity that sets me apart from animals? If "not thinking" is a criterea for
being in a relationship, is it then a human activity at all?

The only thing that is truely free and everlasting is the air we breathe. Why are relations not like that air? Allowing us to draw deep and fill ourselves with it, without worrying about having to return anything to it?

And if they are not free, if they come at a recurring price, should I buy them? If they are transient and likely to be destroyed or metamorphosed with time, should I form them at all?

...to be continued

I Write Therefore I Am

This moment in time I try to capture in my words. When all seems hopeless, unattainable and lost. The writer in me despairs. My novel languishes in neglect. The plot confused, the chapters stale, the characters dead.

Within, two forces fight - doubt and confidence. Two voices - negative and positive.

One says you shall never make it, its an illusion, a fantasy, summer dream, a chimera. There is nothing writerly in you. Your style is sloppy, your grammar bad, and your plot is oh so dull.

Another voice counters. It is not what you have, but what you think you have. If you can dream it, you can acheive it. For nature does not give dreams to those who it thinks not fit to achieve.

So now I can choose to languish in doubt and self pity, yield before I have even picked up the sword. Or I can choose to rise up and fight, die in action rather than choosing to surrender. For there is no pain greater than the pain of never having tried.

And therefore, at this moment in time - as these forces within struggle to take control of me - I record this struggle. One of the series of struggles that I fight, in my quest to find the writer within.

Each time I win, becuase I know - I Write Therefore I Am

Stories and Novels

Stories...

are like battles. You need speed, agility, decision and vigour.

Novels...

are like wars. You need stamina, patience, strategy and foresight.

garbagedump@savera

On a saturday evening, when i was sitting in savera and watching the traffic, the babes and the line-maroing dudes, the salesmen having cofee, and other such riff raff, I had a brainwave and over three cups of cofee, the following garbage was dumbed on paper.

A Mathemetical Formula to Determine the Outcome of any Event in the Universe:

Given a space-time continuum, the outcome of an event is purely a sum total of presence (or absence) of human action and the sum of the probabilities of each external event active in that given space-time continuum.

Thus, if Action => Ac
External Event => Ev1, Ev2, Ev3...Evn (n= integer)
and Outcome => Ov

then,
Ov = Ac + {(P(Ev1) + P(Ev2)+...+ P(Evn)}

The presence or absence of actions is denoted by the boolean notation of 1 or 0, where -
1 => presence of action
2 => absence of action

If multiple actions are possible for that event, then each can be denoted by a boolean state and their sum Sigma Acn.

=> Ov = Sigma Acn + Sigma (P (Evn))

Where Ov multiplied by 100 is the percentage outcome of an event in a given space time continuum.

Disclaimer: I had a steady record of flunking in each exam of mathematics from the time they started asking multiplication tables in school till the time I graduated.

the things we give...Mary M Again

Been reading Mary Magdalene for quite same days now, and I am at the part where Mary M, Simon Peter and others have just met Jesus for the first time on the banks of the Jordan.

They are just beginning to realise that he might be the messiah...and he asks them (Mary and others) what does the messiah mean to u....so they say the messiah is the one who will give us freedom from romans, free us from demons, make us the best people on earth...and then Jesus asks quietly, have u ever thought what u will give to the messiah?

That set me thinking...isn't that applicable to everything in our lives?...and love (if it exists)

Life can be so much fun, so much easy and so much better if we think abt what we r giving to life and not wat life is giving to us, sans expectations, sans desire. And isnt that what even the Gita advocates?...

But the question is, how many of us can actually do it?

While reading Mary Called Magdalene...

I realised that the life of women hasnt really improved over thousands of years of human evolution.

Even in the cities, below the surface, the attitude towards women hasnt really changed. Most of us still see our sisters as a responsibility, our daughters as a liability and our wives as an object in our homes.

As I read the life of the adolescent Mary of Magdala, I recalled, with some degree of surprise, the same things happening to many of my female friends today.

And in the smaller cities, progress and change are non existent words in a woman's dictionary. In the name of mordernity, we have developed a facade of tolerance.

I also realise that women themselves are partly to be blamed for this. For passing a legacy of subjugation and self rejection to their daughters for generations. For refusing to unite and stand up to illogical, inhuman male laws on them.

This is such a paradoxical world - we abuse, in actions and words, the very reason that we owe our existence to.

the spirit within

...not believing in god can give u more strength than believing in god. Once u realise that u alone stand for urself, u learn to take responsibility of ur actions and their consequences. And u realise tht u r strong enuf...tht sometimes u will b beaten by life, but at other times u will beat life ....its a fair game if u r willing to play it.

humans like to think nice

We humans like to think nice...for example, we like to think tht we love selflessly, we like to think christ died for us and we like to think we wud rather die than live without our loved ones...and none of this is really true.

Love is just a symbiotic relationship - in all its forms, christ died not for us, but bcos a bunch of ppl got insecure and killed him, and inspite of what happens to our beloved we will die only when our time comes.

chivalry...

seems to be dead in men of our age

no more holding the door for the ladies
no more "women and children first"
no more making room or getting out of a chair for women

men are almost scared of being called chivalrous...